Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize