I wish I could teleport
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
