I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
