a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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