I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
