My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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