He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
