i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
