i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Let's get the cat blown out
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
