thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
