I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
