He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
