Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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