u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
