I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
