I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
