This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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