I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
