Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
