Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
