The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
