went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize