i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
