Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Randomize
