omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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