i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
