Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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