Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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