someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
