After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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