I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
