you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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