I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
