you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
