I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
