did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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