So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
