That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
