maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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