Heybabeimwearingurpanties
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize