Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
it glows. i had to have it.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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