what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
