TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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