my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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