Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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