I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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