I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
