dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
