I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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