Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
