i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
