Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
