Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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