Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Houston, we have a blender
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize