you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
