the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize