Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
