Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
