At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Randomize
