Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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