dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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