we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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