I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
