My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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