Need sex. Gaining weight.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Boobs speak an international language.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Randomize
