rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
