i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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