May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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