Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
