RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He did a backflip because drugs
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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