UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
