the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
