is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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