in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
how do you play pong handcuffed?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
