i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
