I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
there was a trapeze. enough said
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
