your room smells of hookers.
And success
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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