dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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