Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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