well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
