Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
