btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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