New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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