when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
