I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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