i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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