a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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