Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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