the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
