I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
