I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
