did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
