You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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