I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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