So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize