My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
