What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize